Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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