After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
