He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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