My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
