also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
