People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
