you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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