so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
