i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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