this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
