3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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