He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
