sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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