Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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