"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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