We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
