the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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