I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
