Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
