Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
