mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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