the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
