He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
