I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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