what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
