MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The air taste purple.
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