paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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