and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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