Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
