my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
