I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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