so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
