TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
