White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
