Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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