I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
