Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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