I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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