Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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