She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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