And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
