You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
