she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
