i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
