I hate all girls vehemently.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
