I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
