never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We have started to decorate penises.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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