What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
