Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
