K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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