I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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