Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
